why we don’t understand each other
maybe it’s because of the things we don’t say
or won’t say for (fear of) being rude or misunderstood
i’ve always written these things on personal paper and then stored them somewhere, kissing the thing goodbye
the one time i hand delivered the letter, the relationship and my words, haunted me for 10 years
my feelings about how i had said what i’d said
misguided, hurt, sharp, cutting, dangerous
but i had gotten it out and it had reached its mark
what makes it worth it?
a response?
i dunno, but here’s a start:
this is the most pitiful, passive, childish campaign i’ve seen in a while
aren’t you supposed to be grown?
i actually took time to feel something for you, or so i thought
your lack of substance abused me into seeing thru your words straight to the core of your meaning
you want ass and that’s all
and i get that—it’s cool
i could appreciate it better if you were straight with me
but the dodging of real talk, the texting instead of calling, the days and days between anything more…?
i find it sad to watch
the reason i haven’t said anything is i have little to nothing to say
but then i think, well if i say nothing is it confusing for him?
because i like to have my words mean something. i like for my meaning to come across clearly in my actions, and i’m not sure i’m doing any better than you if i say nothing at all
so here’s my deal: you were there for this one fleeting moment
one day, one week, one night
and then you were gone
and i know there’s the “you just met him!” or the “he doesn’t owe you anything!”
but i guess that’s where i disagree
in any interaction i deserve and require common courtesy
even if you didn’t owe me anything, a decent response to my efforts would have been civil
and if that wasn’t possible, a word saying “i can’t right now”
i am human
i am not a machine
i live, i move, i breathe, i feel…i listen and am affected by words, even lies
so when you say things to me that are full, perhaps in the moment when i have my guard down, i get stuck sometimes
i stall sometimes
and i did
but i can’t anymore
i can’t stall living or breathing for you
i’m all up in this do for me what i can do for me thing, and i can move on
and what sucks about it is i really thought you were a good dude
when people ask me, well would you want to get to know him? i say yes, he seemed cool
but nothing you have done since we last met has shown me that
and i just can’t wait out here in the lonely cold for you to show up again, feeding me “stuff” just for the sake of having your stories heard
write a book and call it “games i play and the women i catch with them”
you win
but not me
i’m looking for something a bit more steady
….you could’ve called me “friend” but you lost
